1. "Where’d you go? How are you?"

    I’ve been dealing with the worst bout of sads I’ve ever experienced in my life.

    It’s really suffocating, and in an effort to not really worry anyone (read: my incredible husband, my best friend, my parents - the ones I love the most), I keep it bottled up, and truth be told: it’s crushing my soul.

    DJ is on the road for work, so I’ve cried myself to sleep every night for the past week (not because he’s gone - more so because apparently I just have a lot to get out - and as I said before, I don’t want my burdens to be anyone else’s to bear). I’m pretty sure it will carry on like this for who knows how long (I digress: he gets back the day before our anniversary, so thankfully I have a REALLY happy weekend to look forward to). I mean, I ordered a bulk box of giant chewy sweetarts and a book about depression from Amazon, so at this point I’m on a list of people crying out for help somewhere, right?

    I feel like such a failure in so many damn ways. It’s so defeating, and I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it. I tried bringing it up with a friend a couple of weeks ago and she was SUPER dismissive, telling me I have no right to be sad because “you’re married so you can’t be sad. I’m single and that’s the worst.”

    Look: if someone opens up to you about depression, don’t be a jerk and trivialize their feelings. It’s really fucking hard to open up about the tough stuff, so try being supportive.

    So yeah - how am I? I’m a freaking basket case, desperately clinging to each and every small positive out of fear of not knowing if or when the next one will come.

    I’m not looking for sympathy, and like everything else, this will self-destruct in a few hours. I’m just hoping that maybe I can release some of my sadness by just putting this out there.

     

  2. 2013: a year spent celebrating true love, supportive families, and genuine friendships.

    2014: a year to put Megan first and give less of my time to people who don’t really appreciate it.